Feeling Trapped

Why do people feel  trapped by others? I feel this way from time to time. it’s not that i’m ever actually trapped by someone but i begin to rely on them in an unhealthy way. I get comfortable with spending time with one person and then I end up not even asking others to hang out. Or I mean I end up not trying to spend time with others.

Living Authentically 2

A few weeks ago I mentioned how I have not been a reliable person for the last few years. How I’ve let myself and others down repeatedly. I used to consider myself a reliable person, I would say something and follow through on it. After I realized it was almost like I couldn’t I began to not take on any responsibility. I began to just do nothing, I would not commit to hanging out with friends or family, If someone wanted me to volunteer somewhere I would find some excuse to not, even when I wanted to.

I have realized that a person should be a little choosy, if you want to be successful you should want to do something enough that you would pass up other things to accomplish it and then put some blinders on.


Success comes from taking action. And the only time I’ve taken action to get something big is when I convinced myself I had no other option. #PenelopeTrunk #quote



I had this post done,  but my network card stopped working and when I clicked update, for the auto post I lost it. so this is a  jumbled mess.

I signed up for classes I never attended, I think I only passed a few classes because my instructors liked me. and though I was never late for a class I couldn’t show up to work on time, after a while I couldn’t do social things on time either friends started to sick of it. and I began to loose the few friends I had worked so hard for but I couldn’t get myself to stop being such a flake. Last year. Last year I worked as a nursing assistant and had medical benefits that paid for a surgery I needed. I was assured I had a job when I came back off medical leave but because I worked for the company for less than a year they filled it and I’ve been unemployed since. I feel like they burned me. but that is crazy people don’t actually do that do they, I mean it is illegal…. Okay so I got hurt really bad from someone not following through and now I see, I can not be that kind of person anymore. since then I have completed a certification for being a nursing assistant. restarted a business, I had forgotten why I ‘d started and given up on on it about a year earlier.

I’m trying to hold myself together I don’t think I’m succeeding.  I just want to watch damages.


Which brings me to Jim Carrey’s speech again. he said it doesn’t matter what you promise you can worry about your follow through later. but go a head and ask the world for it.



I avoided Responsibility but it’s time to embrace all of me.

When platitudes become useful.

I like quotes, check out my twitter, it’s the only writing I’ve been doing all month, hopefully in the future I can bring the blog and twitter together and post related topics but for now… I like quotes, and I like song lyrics, when I see something or I’m experiencing some kind of strife I like learning there is one other person who has similarly struggled. But they are not always helpful, some of them are old and cliché, others just express the wrong idea. But I’ve come to believe the ones that stand out or are useful are the ones that are grabbing at an idea in your subconscious. So why do some make me see red?

God will not give you more than you can handle.

Feeling overwhelmed and the broadening of activities, where does it end.

When I get overwhelmed I have the tendency to avoid what is making me feel overwhelmed. A few weeks I posted about throwing away your todo list and I do believe that is something to do when severely overwhelmed however it should only be done for a short period and in a way that will quickly get you back to what you were doing. I’m being pulled in a dozen directions and when I feel that way I have the tendency to find something new to do. Something that really doesn’t even help me with what I need to do. I begin a project that I had been thinking about for a long time or I sometimes start a whole new hobby. It’s always something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I think, I need to stop procrastinating on this so.. I’m going to begin blah___.  I’m flat broke and spent the weekend at an arts fair trying to sell some stuff I’ve made as a hobby. I’m going to return next year, and another event later this year but am greatly discouraged because I sold nothing. I thought about it and am going to use this failure to modify my hobby, my products to a more specific area, one where I am doing more of the work instead of just assembling some dresses. But that is my point, my problem. I’ve owned a sewing machine before, it broke I threw it away and until a few months ago haven’t sewed a thing. In the last few weeks I’ve spent my time making dresses to sell at the art fair. I also nearly two months ago changed the scope of a business I started two and a half years ago, so I’ve been working hard, often until 2 or even 3 am building websites so far none of which I’m going to get paid for. All the while not writing. At least not nearly as much as I had committed my self to doing. I’m insecure and was getting more and more people reading my blog I see these opportunities and drop what I was working on. I have several started posts I’m going to post this week. But I’m still dealing with my roommate, for which I feel like a failure on. How can I write about you having confidence in yourself and escape situations that cross the border of domestic abuse when I can’t do it myself. I currently have about six major things going some are potential money makers. One is I need to move. I need to remind myself that even if I find at the end of the week I didn’t even see it pass by, I am able to get this done. Is this post just an attempt at avoiding the move? I choose to see it as motivation to move forward with it.

A Further definition of Purpose

I’m now working on a more specific definition of what I’m going to be writing about on here, The specifics are actually to increase the ease of finding things to write about. To be able to find sources of things to write about to give a greater credibility to my writing… Although a lot of what I’m writing is specifically to just be about what I have learned over the years and how I and others can implement it. So though I am working on a part 2 of the methods post of the other day. I hope to use it to also clarify my intentions. I also finally made a schedule for my events and what I”m going to be doing for work. The schedule does not yet include specifics on a time frame for posts on my blogs but it is a commitment to working on posts 5 days per week.