In 2008-2009 I made some pretty major life changing, life transitioning changes. I decided I was going to living my life for myself and no longer living the life people around me expected me to live. I discarded the life people believed I was supposed to live. Part of it was the understanding that it was their belief not mine. But most of it was just that I needed to break free. Shortly after moving forward I met the man that would become my sisters husband. He told me he liked me because “you’re real,” he said, “that some people can’t handle that and you need to remember that that’s their problem not yours.” I thought I was living authentically.
Before Easter when someone talked about living authentically I would have thought they were talking about living the life you have envisioned for yourself. Living a unique life one that is 100% your’s. The pastor at a church I regularly attend changed my perception of it. He talked about how Jesus’s raising from the dead was his way of proving who he was. It was him proving he was living authentically the whole time it was him showing the world he could follow through on his promises. Regardless of whether you are religious in anyway what needs to be extracted is the idea of following through no matter the cost.
I used to consider myself a reliable person. I used to follow through on everything. I was either upfront with an “I don’t know if I can do it” statement or I would add 30 % to the time I thought it would take and hope I got it done in time. Then I started to wane a little. I looked around at the people I worked with, I looked at my fellow students, I thought about TV and movie characters and realized I don’t actually need to follow through on everything. One night I was talking to my sister about how bad I felt about something I had not done. She yelled at me saying “how dare you think your better than us” I said I didn’t think I was, but she continued it was presumptuous to hold myself to a higher standard then others and even think I could follow through all the time. So foolishly listened and I stopped. I meant to only do it for a short time. To give myself a failure here and there, not that big of a deal. Except it got a little out of control.
I continued down the path of living my own life but still not following through on elements of that life. I backed out of really important things, in really bad ways, things that could have led to careers, good ones. Ones that I would enjoy more than anything I’ve done other than what I’ve been doing for the last two months.
There is a lot more to say about this, But I’m not sure what to add.