Cusp of the future.

I feel it. It’s been there a lot lately. I’ve set my mind to fulfill a goal, but not sure I want it any more. It hurts though because I spent so much time and energy on it, and now it feels like everything is collapsing. 🙂 I recently saw a post on facebook: “sometimes when your world is falling a part it’s actually falling into place.” And that is just it, I spent a lot of time working towards this goal, a lot of energy, I basically gave up on a few other things to make it because I felt trapped by this goal. It was something I felt obligated to pursue due to a few events in my distant past along with things I heard people say or things I read on facebook that made me think: Oh the world wants me to do this.  Well the world doesn’t want me to do anything except what truly makes me happy. It is a hard thing to remember. Especially when you got friends and family who urge you down the wrong path.

There is another thing to this though. The ease. It was easy to give up on things for this goal because this goal, though I’ve run into a few road blocks lately is the easier path. Groomed and ready to be followed. I had a friend in high-school who loved to ride snowmobile. After they started grooming the trials he was upset because they “ruined” all the good places to ride. The cut trails weren’t fun, the fun part was the drifts that developed in the ditches on the side of the field, or on the side of the shelter belts. The number of accidents every year went down after that, but was it from lack of riding or because it was really that much safer?

I quoted Kahlil Gibran a few weeks ago, “If you choose between two evils, let your choice fall on the obvious rather than the hidden, even though the first appears greater than the second.” And that quote defines the problem. I mean I feel like if I choose, where am I going to eat?

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