Disappointment and Depression

I already skipped a day of both writing and working out. Yesterday after posting I took Renesmae out and began to harvest all my herbs. It’s not going to stay above freezing much longer and dill is so yummy. That was the perfect excuse because it used up all the time I had plus a little more.

This is so upsetting, it was only day three, and now it is day four and my brain is looking for ways to get out of it. I know I have to. If I don’t I will become depressed not only from the disappointment but working out helps organize my thoughts or something, it by itself stave’s off the depression. I need to and I will but it hurts that I’m working so hard to not do it.

This has been the story of my life the last few months. I lost my at Menards in May and turned in a few applications but because I had just started to sell Mary Kay I thought hey why don’t I just do that. I mean look at all these people around me that make money at it. They are all married to men who work. It is fun and I liked doing it but in July I made several hundred phone calls, and did not sell a thing in result of it. I sold a few things to some friends and my mom but that was it. fifty plus hours of work less than two hundred in sales and just over two hundred in expenses, I guess I shouldn’t have bought those business cards of plastic bags to put product in. So I quite that. I lost all my financial aid and am now only taking one class, Film Productions, which is a really great class but it really sucks because I want to be in school. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to return next semester because I need to pay for that class out of pocket I don’t have a job so that is going to be impossible. Even when I get a job it not much is going to change because I’ll loose my food stamps have to start buying food, and most likely all medical will come out of pocket too. writing this is depressing me more than I already was so I don’t think I’m going to even edit it. hopefully it looks somewhat okay.

Today I’m going on a medium length run I think it is going to be about two and a half miles, I’m gong to take my time a little because I don’t want to be in the same kind of pain again. which is probably going to happen.

Thanks for reading.

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